Four Reasons a Dog is Smarter than a Teenager

Chaser the border collie has recently gained fame for her vast vocabulary. Her owner, retired psychology professor John W. Pilley, purchased the pup in order to take on Rico, a German pooch that worked from a lexicon of two hundred terms. In reading of Chaser's prowess I was struck by the idea that this mutt had it all over human beings, at least at certain stages of their lives. As proof of my thesis, I offer the following head-to-head comparison:

1. Chaser knows 1,022 words, all nouns. Your teenager knows about 60K, a rich mixture of nouns, verbs, adjectives, adverbs, pronouns and particles. This would seem to give the adolescent the edge but there are mitigating factors: For instance, Chaser is always eager to learn more words, whereas the teenager must be frog-marched through Shakespeare at the point of a rapier. Also, while the teen has access to all those words, he uses the terms "like" and "cool" more than the remaining 59,998 combined. Chaser does not know either of these words. Advantage Chaser.

2. When asked to retrieve any of the vast array of objects of which she knows the name, Chaser will do so obediently, immediately, and cheerfully. Advantage Chaser.

3. Chaser is satisfied with cast-off toys from the local Salvation Army, which Dr. Pilley plundered in order to keep his pet supplied with vocabulary lessons. She does not require an ever-expanding inventory of expensive electronic gadgets. Advantage Chaser.

4. While Chaser can understand lots of words, she can communicate only in barks, grunts, whines and howls. She and the teenager break even.

Final score: Chaser - 3, Teenager - 0 with one draw. So why not go to your local shelter and adopt a dog today? A journey of a thousand words begins with "sit" and "stay."